Friday, November 7, 2003

all you base are belong to us

Sunday is my birthday. Yay. Note the enthusiasm. Yes.. I know it doesn't translate well in text. The absence of an exclamation mark is the only sign that I am being facitious. Well.. that and the last line. Lately it seems like life is just something that happens while you are waiting to die. Meaningless. But don't let that fool you into believing that I am nihilistic by any means. Just having a not too horribly great couple of weeks. Blah. Sometimes you just have to ask yourself why you ever bother in the first place. You finally think your luck is picking up, that things are going really well in your life, them BAM! You're lying face down on the ground with a bloody rectum. Reality just took a nasty turn and ass raped you. (this is all metaphorical of course - the last line should clarify this for all but the challenged) Blah.. online journals suck.

my brain hates me

I think I have some kind of fucking attention deficit disorder or some shit. I really have trouble focusing and motivating myself sometimes it seems. Of course, there is the possibility that I'm just a lazy bastard... but I'd like to think that that is not the case. Though I haven't been horribly innactive lately. While I haven't been writing like I should be, working on my current script, I have managed to contact a few companies in the hopes of garnering some sponsors for funding my film. The few I've been in contact with so far have not been able to do anything for me though, but I didn't imagine that it would be all that easy anyhow. I suppose I've just got to keep plugging. Ugh.. I need someone who is really good at.. I dunno... talking people out of money or something to help me with this. I don't think I'm enough of a bulldog go-getter type person. Or something. I don't know. Blah...

TV is your God..

I've been watching way too much tv lately. I've traded a life outside of home for a hundred plus digital channels. I've not been working on my goals because the tv has me. I have to unplug myself. Do some writing. Make my brain do some work instead of it just being a receiver for tv waves. I had a series of dreams a night or so ago. In one dream I saw my face hovering right in front of.. well.. my face. It was larger than normal.. as if it had been enlarged in photo shop. And it was translucent. I could see through it as if it were.. ghostly. No matter which way I turned my head it stayed directly in front of my face. I really don't remember it all too clearly.. I remember feeling a bit disturbed though. Another segment of dream that night: There was a light, or possibly a glowing object up on my ceiling (both dreams by the way took place in my bedroom, me lying in bed) - I don't really remember anything else about that part of my dream.. but like in the other.. I remember feeling disturbed. Then later I dreamed that I was telling someone about the two previous dreams I had. I thought that was kind of amusing. Anyway...

I have seen the end! And it's kinda pretty...

With Mars drawing ever closer to our lonely little planet, and my frequent dreams of twisters and nature gone insane.. I have to wonder if this is the end. Seriously though.. it is odd how many dreams of tornadoes I've had in the last couple of months. And Mars was making me feel kinda weirded out before I even realized that it was Mars looming in the sky... staring me down... hynotizing me. Weirdness.... Anyway.. other than that I have nothing much to report. Still working on trying to gather sponsors for my independent film. Been contacting a lot of people lately.. so at least I've gotten past that lazy unproductive phase I was in. And I'm actually working on a new script.. more on that later...

alien invasion or people as an alternate food source

Well anyway, the weekend has come and gone. I can't remember what I did Friday.. but I'm thinking I did nothing. Saturday I had some friends all bring their computers over to my house and we networked them together and played a rousing game of Unreal Tournament. And today I went and watched X-men 2. And it was very good. It kicked ass.. better than the first even. Saw a good preview for The Hulk and Matrix Reloaded as well. I can't wait to see those. Anyway.. so I didn't really do much this weekend. Nothing exciting anyway. I should really get out more...

Oh yeah.. and I had this alien invasion kinda dream last night. Which really isn't unusual for me, because that is a frequent motif in my dreams. Maybe it's prophetic. Maybe I just watch too much sci-fi. Maybe I just have a horribly overactive imagination. You make the call...

life is like a box of *insert your own expletive*

Yeah ok.. So I haven't wrote in this puppy in a awhile. And I've even done a few things worth writing about. But, I'm far too lazy at the moment to get into all that.. What have I been doing lately? Not much of a DAMN thing. Trying to find a new job. I actually found one, but I don't really want it. I've got a few other ideas in mind though, so I'm not really too worried about it. I still haven't gotten really motivated to reach out and attempt to aquire sponsors for my independent film yet. I really need to get on the ball. Times a wasting. And I really need to pick back up on one of those other scripts I've started writing, but never got around to finishing. And I've had lots of free time lately too. Fucking pathetic. I just haven't felt motivated lately. I guess I just really need to gear down and MAKE myself start doing these things that need to be done. I need to put up a website where I essentially beg for money for my film. My friend posted on a message board about this lady that did just that to pay off her freaking credit card bills. I mean damn, if she can do it, I can do it right? And I would be doing it for a better reason I think. I mean, I would send somebody a little cash if they were trying to produce an independent film, so I don't see the harm in it. Anyway...

ahh sweet boredom

Called my last job today trying to get some payroll issues cleared up. Left a message with a girl in payroll. She never called back. Go figure. Maybe she'll call tomorrow. They owe me money. I like money. Money is a good thing to have. Anyway.. hopefully she can get the issue cleared up. They owe me cash for a few days worked.. plus about 26 hours of vacation pay. Stupid bastards. Probably pointedly trying to NOT pay me.

Other than that, I've done jack shit today. Sat on my ass and watched TV most of the day. Played some shenmue 2 on my x-box. That's about it really. I did post some pictures of the concert I went to on my homepage. I have a picture of me and my friend Neal with one of the guys from Zeromancer.. that was cool. Nice of him to pose with us. Wish we could have nabbed a few of the other people from some of the other bands to pose for some pics with us too. We could have grabbed Lacy from Nocturne.. she was hanging around out on the floor for awhile.. but we didn't think of it at the time. Dumb dumb. But oh well.. we have the Assemblage 23 concert coming up this sunday.. and hopefully we'll get some pics with those guys. That one should be cool cause it's going to be at the lizard lounge in dallas.. and on a sunday.. well that's goth night. Can you say goth girls? Heheh... sexy.

yes i do update this.. now and then

Anyway.. well I'm tired as hell.. whacked out on allergy sinus medicine cause of that splitting headache i had.. or still have.. though it's not so bad as it was.

Sure I haven't updated in awhile, but I plan to try and manage updates more frequently than I have been. Not that anybody reads this. I went to a concert in dallas the other day. Bands playing were Nocturne, Bile, Zeromancer (yay!), My Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, and Pigface. They all kicked a lot of ass. A helluva lotta ass. Pigface was really cool cause several members of the other bands came back out and sang songs with them. Really hyper shit. It was great. Got some pics too that I plan on putting up on my website. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow. Anyway.. dead tired. Going to bed.

mayhem denied

What the hell is wrong with the american horror genre? Granted.. they have been putting out a few.. a very few halfway decent films lately.. but really it's been very dissapointing the last few years. Last buncha damn years actually. Of course I'm mostly talking about your A list horror films too.. not counting b-title stuff.. because some of the b-title horror films are actually ok.

The only movie I've seen in a long time that actually creeped me the hell out was a japanese horror flick called "ghost actress". The end of that movie actually made huge chill bumps raise up off my legs. Of course I was also watching it alone, and in the dark.. which really is the only way to get pure enjoyment from a horror film. Why you ask? Because when you watch horror with other people.. you draw strength from them.. they distract you from getting completely wound up in the movie usually. I dunno.. just trust me.. watch them alone.. watch them in the dark. I love to be creeped out.. it just happens so seldom... really sad. I'm just weird like that... it's like nightmares.. they aren't even nightmares to me.. I wake up exhillarated and excited every time I have one. Maybe I should seek help, haha......